Living In The Modern Age

You know you’re in trouble when your bank phones you (rather than vice versa).

No good can ever come from getting a call at 8:30 on a Saturday morning. Sure enough, when I called them back at 10:00 (it was a Saturday and I don’t ‘do’ mornings) my bank, First Direct, asked me if I’d ever been to Athens.

‘Arse’ I thought. 'I’ve been done'.

Some cheeky scamp had managed to get my card number and my PIN. Don’t ask me how - if I knew that I’d be erm, working for a fraud prevention company (honest!). It was only the fact I’d been shopping for a housewarming present that had alerted my bank that I was still in London town. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach as I was informed that two withdrawals had been made, and I was now £600 out of pocket. Several silent expletives later I asked if I was insured against this sort of thing, and to my great relief I was.

Having never suffered this blight of the modern age before I was relieved to find that First Direct were seriously on their game, not just for themselves, but for their customers too. I was asked to cut up the card immediately, the card was blocked, and best of all – I wouldn’t be charged any overdraft fees for the £600 hole in my account.

A few days later I was sent an investigation form, which was very straightforward. I returned it with the recently cut up card and crossed my fingers. Sure enough, First Direct established I hadn’t been in Athens and gave me the money back. I now have a new card, a new PIN and still have the belief that First Direct are the finest bank in the UK. If you don’t believe me just phone them – the quality of their call centre staff is a lesson to all.

G.I. Joe Versus The Transformers (Omnibus) – Comics Review

Devils Due Publishing
Hard Cover
Josh Blaylock & Tim Seeley (Writers)

G.I. Joe Versus The Transformers is a perfect pairing of 80s toy lines. Both of these cult Hasbro product lines gave birth to vibrant comic strips and cartoon shows. Devils Due Publishing takes all four volumes of this crossover, and presents them in one very attractive hardcover.

The first volume (originally printed by Dreamwave Productions) is pure nostalgia, and posits a Cobra Commander finding the crashed Ark and effectively enslaving the Cybertronians. Purists will note that everything that takes place is outside of continuity - just as well considering how jumbled the Transformers timeline has become over the years. It’s difficult not to feel a surge of excitement when Optimus initially transforms from his Cobra HISS tank form, and seeing a new origin story for how Snake Eyes comes to be the burnt-faced ninja we know him as.

G.I. Joe, the anti terrorist organisation, is then formed purely to stop this technological terror Cobra Commander has unleashed on the world. Fortunately for the fate of humankind Optimus is resisting his programming, and Starscream remains as devious as ever.

The art is particularly enjoyable, with crisp vibrant colours by the likes of E.J. Su, Joe Ng, UDON, and boasting covers by Chris lie. However, after the first two story arcs have concluded there seems to be a drop in story quality. At times, rather than take the very best of both worlds, it feels as if the writers have tried to include things just to please the fans, or tie in unusual characters.
Still, this is a great ‘what if’ and fan favourites Scarlet, Storm Shadow, Destro, Baroness, Hawk and Grimlock all make appearances.

A fine gathering of great cross-over in one hard cover. Worth buying for the first two volumes alone.

7 out of 10

EasterCon 2008 - Orbital

Eastercon 2008
Radisson Edwardian Hotel
Heathrow

If you have never ventured to Science Fiction convention before, you could be forgiven for expecting to see people dressed as Klingons, a smattering of Goths, and other people wearing faux medieval garb

– which isn’t too far from the truth.

However, the programme boasted things, that, as a reader made my book geek heart beat a little faster:
Guest of honour speeches by Neil Gaiman, China Mieville, Tanith Lee and Charles Stross.
Joe Abercrombie joining panels on ‘Roughening up Fantasy land’ (and he should know!) – and interesting sessions for blossoming writers such as ‘Writing The Near Future – predicting the next 50 years’.
Less thrillingly – ‘Why Blake 7 is still popular?’ (Really?). Stranger still, the programme also featured ‘Japanese Rope Bondage’. In short, when venturing to a Con, be prepared for anything.

The main downsides to the convention were the temperature (cold, cold, cold) and the quality of the food for the prices asked, this aside, there was a lot to keep people of various sci fi persuasions busy.

China Mieville’s talk titled ‘For God’s sake, it’s just a story: a readers guide to ruining SF’ was roller coaster ride on the naïveté of some readers about the sub text, or the writer's influences, on their favourite literature. It was genuinely very exciting to hear someone hold forth passionately about books in an informed, erudite and frequently funny manner.

The dealer’s hall was, as you would expect teaming with battered paperbacks and editions of every stripe. Particularly amusing was the impromptu gathering of authors around the Gollancz table on Saturday afternoon, including Joe Abercrombie, who happily signed books aplenty and was generally very funny (see the Last Argument of Kings review, elsewhere on this blog). China Mieville was equally approachable, chatting to many attendees and book dealers.

All in all a great opportunity to meet and hear many authors at the top of their game, discussing not only their own work but also ideas within the framework of science fiction as a whole.

Joe Abercrombie – Review

The First Law: Book Three. Last Argument Of Kings
Joe Abercrombie
Hardback

The Union is in disarray: the King of the Union lies on his death bed, the Northmen have united, and in the south the Gurkish arrive in large numbers. Logen Ninefingers and Jezal dan Luthar find out the hard way just how bad things can get.

Joe Abercrombie has, in relatively little time, established himself as a great fantasy writer, able to hold his own alongside other British writers such as Steph Swainston, China Mieville and Richard Morgan.

Abercrombie’s talent for developing believable characters and changing the tone and voice of each chapter according to the point of view is a joy to read. Although Abercrombie takes familiar fantasy staples, he manages to escape coming off as a cheap hack reinventing Tolkien. The hardest part of the first two books was choosing a favourite character from the ‘ensemble cast’ of misfits trying to survive the massive events shaking the Union. The most gruelling part of the last book is hoping they all survive ‘til the last page.

Being the last book of a Trilogy you’d rightly expect there to be some big set pieces: invasion, apocalyptic magic use, desperate last stands and open war all feature heavily, and are deftly dealt with across the broad map of the Union and the Northlands. Strangely, Last Argument of Kings seems to rob both its reader and the protagonists of a peaceful ending. In fact by the end of the book you can’t help but wonder if certain characters are any better off than when the first book started. What have they suffered for? Maybe we will find out in following books?

A solidly written finale, rich with Abercrombie’s trademark dark humour and great dialogue, that finishes with a decidedly down beat ending.

8 / 10

Exclusive Preview - Transformers Comic: UK #10 Cover Art

I can hardly believe we are up to issue 10. It doesn’t seem so long ago this project was still on the drawing board.

We’ve had such an incredibly great run (and long may it continue), boasting the talents of Andrew Wildman, Geoff Senior, Nick Roche, Don Figeroa, Guido Guidi and Marcelo Matere. Heading up this crew has been Titan’s Senior Comics Editor Steve White, who is very familiar with the Transformers having worked on the Marvel UK comic, back when I was delivering newspapers on my BMX.

Here is a cover art preview of the mighty Starscream – pencils by Nick Roche and coloured by Chris Carter. Nice work fellas! You’ll be able to buy this fine cover – and the rest of the comic on March 27th.

Recently we have had some stellar colouring in from Jason Cardy, who has used his skills on some of the Twlight’s Last Gleaming strip written by Simon Furman. Simon has taken the Transformers movie continuity and given it the ‘what if’ treatment – namely: What if the Autobots failed? In the six-part strip we see the remaining Autobots fighting a guerrilla war with the aid of Mikaela Banes, against a dark tide of Decepticons. Make sure you pick up the comic to find out what has happened to the mighty Optimus Prime and Sam Witwicky!

One Hundredth Post!

To celebrate the one hundredth post from You Look Like A Little Kid With A Beard, I thought the blog could use a spring clean and some new togs.

The new header is the work of Russ Seal, a graphic designer who works at Titan. As well as having impeccable music taste, being a keen snowboarder, and taking the playing off first person shooters to an art form, Russ has a gritty urban/ graffiti style that I couldn’t resist – so I hit him up for some banners! Russ: I owe you beers. You can find more of Russ’s work here:

http://russ79.carbonmade.com/

Also, I’ve had to turn on the comment moderation as I had a couple of instances of people spamming me with annoying links. Don’t let this put you off of leaving your pithy put downs and kind words of praise (or raging, rampant disagreement)…

I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank my readers; I think I get about one or two a day. Remember kids, if you like it – tell your friends, and if you don’t, well, er, go back to surfing porn, or downloading films illegally or what ever the hell people do on the internets these days.

As for what I do on the internets - lately I’m particularly loving Spleenal’s blog and comic strip, which has recently become inspired to the point of genius. More power to the Spleen!

http://spleenal.blogspot.com

Ghosts I-IV

Nine Inch Nails fans are used to the three year wait between albums, so when Year Zero arrived a mere two years after its predecessor With Teeth, it was a pleasant surprise.

Now, following Year Zero by one short year, Trent Reznor, the creative mastermind and multi instrumentalist behind Nine Inch Nails, has released Ghosts I-IV. Ghosts marks a departure in Reznor’s creative output as it is entirely instrumental. Setting a deadline of ten weeks, with no clear outline, and the intent to release what ever was produced, Reznor, along with Atticus Ross, Alan Moulder, Alessandro Cortini, Adrian Belew and Brian Viglione embarked on what was to be a five track EP.

Now, Ghosts has been released, and it is no less than four volumes of haunting soundscapes. Thirty-six tracks of dreamlike and at times grinding, noise. However, it’s not all electronic: Reznor’s piano skills are evident, lending some tracks a more reflective and gentler touch.

Ghosts also marks a departure for Nine Inch Nails in the form of marketing and distribution. Fans can order the new work as 2x CD set with a sixteen-page booklet, a Deluxe Edition package (featuring too many goodies to list here) and an Ultra Deluxe Package – without ever setting foot in a record store. The digital files can also be downloaded from Amazon.

Following Radiohead’s lead (although without the ‘choose your own price tag’) Reznor is choosing to neatly sidestep the music industry bureaucracy he loathes so much (he once entreated Australian audiences to steal his music as it was so overpriced Down Under). In fact you can download the first nine tracks of Ghosts for free, which will come as no surprise to the fans who got hold of the ‘leaked’ Year Zero tracks before the album was released.

Finally – a quick mention regarding the sublime art direction which follows on neatly from the slick but organic values of The Fragile.

http://ghosts.nin.com/